Gone

We had the "worst case" scenario on Saturday involving our foster daughter and Makenzie. I won't go into details, but it resulted in us requesting her removal immediately. Fortunately, there was a CASA volunteer at our house doing a visit at the time, so she served as a witness of sorts too.

The nature of the situation required that the caseworker from our agency report the incident to the state's hotline and that she have a safety plan in place for Makenzie in case the foster child had to stay over the weekend. As details trickled out from both girls, it made it impossible for us to allow her to stay even 1 day longer. The agency has been contemplating for a while now whether she and her brother needed to be in a therapeutic home rather than a basic care home and this pretty much sealed the deal. (In addition to this incident, the boy also got in trouble Friday for stealing from kids at his after school program.)

So as quickly as they came just 1 month ago, we packed up their stuff and delivered them to their therapeutic home. I didn't make the trip, but Tim took care of the drop off. He said the kids both clung to him and cried.

I hope they get the help they need and can grow up to be functional adults, but I fear that won't happen unfortunately.

Peaceful Decision

Friday after attending the hearing and talking with the clinical director, we were so ready to let these kids go. We felt like it wasn't worth all of the risks, the time and effort or the risk of everyone's attachments growing even deeper if they are just meant to be placed with their aunt in the end.

Then I picked Makenzie up from daycare and her teacher said she feels like it's finally "settled in" for Makenzie. She talked about her brother and sister all day long at school.

Then we had a fantastic Saturday. Everyone played sweetly despite being cooped up inside due to the rain all day. There was very little bickering or tattling and Makenzie even said she wants them to stay.

We've decided that even if they are only here for another month or 3 months or 6 months or a year, we have made a commitment to them that we take very seriously. Even though it would be so much easier to ask that they be removed now, the reality is that would be selfish on our part. They have a good, stable home and both attend great schools. They are enjoying their extracurriculars, have made friends, and have settled into a soft spot that they've probably never known.

Despite the constant redirection and conflicts amongst them, they are learning interpersonal skills and relationship skills that can benefit them no matter the outcome. They are getting a taste of a good childhood that they deserve and we are serving children that belong to God. And in the end, God's will is going to be done anyway no matter what we desire.

Charlie Fox Trot

So today was a placement hearing for our foster kids and let's just say.....things are a big HUGE mess. It was made very clear that CPS intends to award permanent custody to the aunt of the children. We feel a bit misled for several reasons, but mainly because CPS has been telling us that it wasn't working out with her all this time.

The attorney ad litem for the children expressed her apprehension and concern over the family placement to the judge and the judge basically ordered that everyone involved (CPS, the aunt, attorney ad litem, but NOT US) arrange to meet and discuss the situation. If they can't all agree, the judge will hear arguments and decide for them.

The timeline is very open-ended and the prospect of a retrial in November for their dad just complicates it more.

I also spoke with the clinical director of the agency we are using and she agreed there were some issues with the 4 year old girl (and the boy for that matter) that have never been brought to anyone's attention. She feels like the little girl will forever be immensely difficult to parent and that there is a significant risk to Makenzie's emotional (and possibly physical) well being as long as the little girl is in our home. She also said a family can only take so much and that we need to seriously weigh the risks here with this placement. She said they felt misled by CPS also somewhat and that "it's really a shame this is your first placement" because it's such a mess legally and in every other way imaginable.

So....we are going to discuss, pray, discuss some more, pray some more and hopefully meet with the caseworker to decide what we will do with these kiddos until such a time as they do either go to their aunt or are up for adoption otherwise.

Hung Jury

We heard today that there was a mistrial. I wish the jury could hear the whole story! Now they all have to endure a retrial. Please pray for wisdom for the CPS workers, the judge and for each of the sets of foster parents involved so that we all make the best decisions for these kiddos.

The Busiest, Most Stressful 2 Weeks of My Life

8/21 - dentist 8am, foster kids arrive 10am
8/23 - CPS appt 4pm to do placement papers
8/24 - enroll 6 year old foster son in school
8/26 - 9am doublebooked--A/C repair and foster son to DA
6pm doublebooked--gymnastics and visit from caseworker
8/27 - 12:30 Headstart orientation for foster daughter
6pm foster son's Kindergarten orientation
8/28 - Headstart teacher does homevisit
8/31 - CASA representative visits foster kids
9/1 - A/C repair AGAIN and caseworker visits
9/2 - trial date (at the courthouse ALL DAY)
9/3 - first day of Headstart
9/4 - foster son to doctor for checkup then to CPS for family visit 3-5pm
9/5 - foster kids attend therapy 11am

Amongst all of this we have tried to spend at least a few hours a day at our JOBS and keep the routine somewhat normal for Makenzie.

Speaking of Makenzie....she and the 4 year old girl are not getting along well AT.ALL. We've been talking to the caseworkers about it regularly and they say if it wasn't Makenzie it would be some other child--evidently there's a pattern here. To be fair though, Makenzie is not at all innocent, but she is my biological daughter and her little world has been turned upside down. I told Tim the other night that she may not be using the appropriate "tools" in her "toolbox" in her interactions with the foster daugter, but those are the only tools she knows how to use at 3 years old. The plan for the foster kids changes every day. One day, they plan to adopt them out to family members then the next said family members have done something to tick CPS off and that plan is on hold. We do know that we will most likely not keep the 4 year old girl longterm for the simple fact that it's not healthy for either her or Makenzie to have constant chaos between the two of them. The boy is doing great and thriving and we'd love to keep him forever and ever if they'll let us!

Did I mention before that THIS.IS.HARD?

Freudian Slip! This is priceless.

Say it ain't so...

...I am officially a minivan mom. I said it would never happen, but alas, cramming 3 carseats/booster seats into the 2nd and 3rd row seats of the Durango and then getting the little midgets out every morning was becoming a major PITA.

Tim went yesterday and traded the 8 year old car of mine that he's been driving for the last 3 years in on a mom-mobile and he will now be driving the manlier Durango that I've been driving for 2 1/2 years. It fits him better than the Ford Focus--literally, I might add--picture a really big (handsome of course) man in a clown car and that is what Tim's been working with for the last 3+ years.